Saturday, September 5, 2015

Face book likes – Humorous article

Face book likes – Humorous article
The problem with me is that I think I am a great poet but others don’t think so. I have written more than hundred poems and shared them in face book. But I got only two likes.  One is of course myself and the other is my wife. It is not her fault. She has shared the password with me and I used that for that another like.

Though I have more than hundred friends in face book, my friends are not mutually helpful. I wanted to try something unique in poetry. Hence I chose to write poetry on technology and management. Now you know why I don’t get likes.

For example, take this situation. The program director conducted a meeting to identify one business analyst, one technical architect and one project manager for one of their onsite projects in Paris. Not this Parrys corner in Chennai, This is Paris in France.

All the members of his team, all the 50 were present in office one hour before the meeting starts - Usually they come one hour late.  But the Eiffel tower in Paris had brought them one hour earlier. Program director was very happy to see them all. He asked. ‘Who are all willing to work in this project?’ Everybody lifted their hands. Some people lifted both their hands to show that they are doubly willing to go to Paris.

‘This project is on banking domain.  For business analyst role, I know there is only one person here who has that experience.’ Other business analysts stood up and said in one voice. ‘Sir, even though we are from different domains, after reading the  business requirement  document sent by you yesterday, we all took a crash course on banking domain last night Sir. A senior banker who was suspended ten years back for lack of banking knowledge  and could not sleep at nights due to some sleeping disorder is giving us  training on banking. The course is ‘Banking in one night’. We took this course. Now we are all confident of handling banking domain business requirements Sir.’

‘Ok let me see. Then for technical architect role. This is a Java project.’  Members skilled in Microsoft windows and Macrosoft doors also raised their hands. ‘Sir, Java is an easy language which we studied in our BE five years back. We can refresh that faster than our computer refresh Sir. ‘

 ‘For the role of project manager, they want a qualified PMP, Project management professional.  But I am not seeing any body here with that certification.’ Few project managers raised their voice. ‘Sir, We have closed many projects without completing them. We all have practical project management knowledge. Passing PMP is very easy for us. We have already bought the PMP materials and applied for that exam yesterday night. We all will be qualified as certified PMPs in a week’s time sir.’

‘OK Let me look into your profiles in detail. Thanks. You can leave now. After an hour an email came from the Program director to the team members. ‘I have chosen the following people for this project. Congrats to them. The names are as follows... 1,2,3,4’

The last sentence is ‘Due to cost constraint, the customer would prefer to have this project executed in offshore at Chennai and the working hours  would be from night 10 PM to Morning 6 AM to suit the customer’s need. I’m very sorry that I could not include more members in this team though you all have all shown immense interest in this project’

The Eiffel tower in the minds of those selected people turned into Paisa tower and started falling. But my poetic tower started rising and came out with this poem on solution lifecycle.

“Business analyst Explains the solution
Technical architect Designs the solution
Project manager Plans the solution
Program director Markets the solution
Customer’s business Rejects the solution”

This poem was also rejected by my friends.   

Then I tried project management related poetry. The scenario is this. Conference call.  There are four people from Chennai- One project manager and three members from his team.  This is a different team. Not that team.  And on the other side, project coordinator – a Chinese from Shangai, the customer– an American from Newyork. As you know each has their own accent. Chinese accent, American accent, and our tanglish accent.

This conference call is to understand the business requirements and finalise the timeframe for various activities of the project. Only audio; no video. The Chinese coordinator greeted all. ‘Ching chang ching.’American followed with ‘GooMorning al’.Our Chennai team responded with ‘YES SIRS. OK SIRS. GOOD MORNING SIRS.

The other side could not understand why our team said ‘yes sirs and ok sirs’ in addition to ‘good morning sirs’ as the discussion is yet to start. Anyhow, the Chinese coordinator started explaining the requirements and the timeframe etc. But our team could not understand even a single sentence.  But whenever they find a gap or pause, they filled it up with ‘yes sir ‘‘ok sir’ They were eagerly expecting the American customer to say something.

‘Choom Cham’ and then a pause. Oh the Chinese is done.  Our team in chorus said ‘YES SIR OK SIR ‘Then the American started his version. ‘Itsss abbboouuut  eejjj;lkkak;lkdgsnn,.mg,amhgljl;j;ll;klkl;kdg;jl;lj;ljassssssssssssssssssssssssshjjjj’

The Chinese and American were discussing. ‘Ching Chang ching.  Dishhum dishuum dishsuuum . Ching Chang ching.  Dishhum dishuum dishsuuum . Ching Chang ching.  Dishhum dishuum dishsuuum’ .  Our team was sitting like this ‘ Ah  Ah ‘

Then there was a long pause and  silence.  Our team came to know that the conference call is over and the American and Chinese have already left. The team members  looked at each other and the project manager declared. ‘Now we know the business requirement and timeframe. ‘Do you have any doubts?’‘NO SIR’ and the team left the room.

The poor Project manager was awaiting the ‘Minutes of the Meeting’ mail from his Onsite coordinator to know the business requirement and the timeframe.  I wrote a poem on management model.

“Twitter for Status reports
Face book for Group discussion
Skype for Conference calls
Cloud for Infra structure
Home for Project management”

I got one more like from a project manager; He also commented. ‘I like the last sentence. Home for project management but I don’t like status reports, group discussions and conference calls’

Then I tried something dangerously different. I decided to follow the path of all poets and wrote poem on a subject which is a Favorite subject for all poets.  Guess what. It starts with the letter L Yes- Love. Poem on Love. As you know, if you have to write a poem on love you have to fail in love or to pretend that you have failed in love. But fortunately or unfortunately I was successful in my love and married my OWN wife. I want to  be very clear in my communication. Right.

LOVE. The poem has only three  sentences. Each sentence has immense meaning and feeling in it. Please listen carefully and don’t get too much emotional. The first sentence.
‘He                                     loves                                 her’.
 I will explain this sentence. He does not love him or them.  He loves her and only her.
The next sentence. Equally powerful.
‘She                                      loves                                 him.’
The love is mutual. It is not a triangular or rectangular love as happening in our movies. Then the third and final sentence. Very powerful. Please listen carefully.  Anyhow I will also explain.
‘Love                              is                                                          that.’
 ‘Love                                          is                                                that. ‘Not this. THAT. You have to connect with the previous three sentences to get the flow of meaning and feeling.

 ‘He loves her. She loves him. Love is that.’ I know you all get the experience of a powerful love through this powerful poem. But this time I got only one like. My wife has changed her password and has not revealed that to me after reading this poem .
--------------------------------------------------------Nagendra Bharathi

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